There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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