i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
