so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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