By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
