a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
