just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
