But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
