i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
