do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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