Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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