you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
