I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
