I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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