So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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