My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
