Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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