let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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