I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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