Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
