Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
