She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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