I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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