I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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