Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
