No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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