I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
