No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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