I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
