I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
