he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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