four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
