just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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