There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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