dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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