people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I smell like Dick and happiness
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
