I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
