Who did Billy Mays play for?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
