im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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