Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
