I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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