allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
