My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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