how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
