I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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