I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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