And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
NoShamevember. You game?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
