I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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