Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize