he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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