Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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