when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
im holly from the hills drunk
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
