remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
