drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
